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“Hard”

Hard is not the right word for this.

Fill in the blank:

______ to say goodbye to your best friend,

______ to reduce your life to seventeen brown boxes,

______ to throw wedding photos in a pile marked ‘trash’,

______ to split the pots and spoons and Tupperware lids,

______ to barter the bed for the new coffee maker,

______ to forgive yourself,

______ to order new curtains for the only window you now have,

______ to leave the bottle behind while you dissolve in the tub,

______ to see a smile, or accept any sort of kindness,

______ to hear, “I’m sorry” or “congratulations!”

______ to forget the names you picked out for kids you’ll never have,

______ to see them doing so well without you,

______ to wonder if you’ll ever be worthy of love again,

______ to open the curtain and let sunlight in once a day,

______ to justify the gym membership you don’t use anymore,

______ to stay off cigarettes,

______ to keep yourself together when you might fall apart at any moment,

______ to go on feeling nothing,

______ to imagine what comes next.

It isn’t hard to do any of this;

it’s impossibly, unimaginably painful.

Hard just doesn’t cover it.

11 thoughts on ““Hard” Leave a comment

    • Thank you! I was really nervous to share this one. I haven’t written in a long time and this is very personal. I appreciate you sharing your time with me! ❤️

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  1. If you fill in the blank with the word “Ready” it seems a little more uplifting, exciting and courageous. Maybe you can fill in some the blanks with “ready”?

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  2. The wondering whether you’ll ever be worthy of love again thing has been orbiting my heart a little of late.

    Heartbreakingly itemised and stripped bare here.

    I can feel how personal it was to write – but in an age of soundbites and mottos and glib aphorisms, we need thingsraw enough to remind us what being human really means.

    I’m glad you have the courage to write like this.

    Liked by 1 person

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