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Hunting Season

I bought my wife a new lamp
For her birthday, this white thing

Shaped like an owl, of all animals
And I’ve been regretting it ever since.

It’s not that it isn’t a nice lamp;
She gets compliments on it all the time.

Her friends will come over and see it
And they say, “Oh my, what a lovely lamp.”

Or something to that tune, and to be honest,
We’ve never had to change the bulb, not once.

So, you know, it’s not an issue of utility.
It’s the damnedest thing, really,

But whenever I wake up in the morning,
That owl is staring right at me,

In that creepy sort of way,
The way only owls can stare,

And I can’t decide if I should
Just replace it, or start

Sleeping with a gun
Beneath my pillow.

Either way, I’m in a pickle because
I don’t think owls are in season.

17 thoughts on “Hunting Season Leave a comment

  1. But it’s such a lovely lamp…

    (And I’d go with a baseball bat instead of a gun. That owl’s smirky expression looks like it would succumb to a nice whack with a bat.)

  2. Owls are a symbol of wisdom, so think of that when she’s eye-balling you in the morning! Wisdom gazing on you… Or, just take to it with a bat, like Katrina said.

  3. Delightful. Can relate. Just read a post with photo on Owls. Their eyes can only stare straight ahead, but they can turn their heads almost around. Since this one can’t turn it’s head, turn the lamp 45 degrees so it’s facing away from you. You don’t have to clean up the mess or sleep lightly in case your wife gets ideas about another use for the bat. 🙂

  4. Haha, I have coveted such a lamp myself, however after reading this I think I may give it a miss…I have a fluffy toy hamster sitting on my desk, I feel much the same about it, he was a gift from my hubby so I feel bad about moving him…he just stares…constantly…the way only fat, fluffy hamster toys do O.o

  5. I love this, and seriously wonder about the people with clown lamps. It also reminded me of, A Christmas Story, in which a leg lamp with fringe and fishnet stocking makes an appearance!

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